Sometimes I just wanna smack him!

My husband, that is.  Why?  Because he's too good to be true!  He knows I've been talking and dreaming about becoming a published writer.  He's been hearing this since we've been together (3 1/2 years), but I haven't put forth the needed effort to make it happen.  My reasons?  There are many, but none that really count or are excusable.  Recently I quit my job.  It was zapping the life out of me and stressing me out to a new limit.  It was just too much for me and my husband urged me to quit.  He supported my decision in doing so, even though I didn't have another job lined up.  He just wants me to be happy, and healthy.  And he said this is a great opportunity for me.  Now I'll have the time and the energy to write.  To sit down on a daily basis and give it my all working on magazine articles, my novel, my memoir and my blog.  No more excuses.  He wouldn't hear of them.  So everyday now he texts me to find out what I'm doing.  I could easily lie to him and tell him that I've written 50 pages in my novel, 2 blogs and I'm working on a magazine article.  He wouldn't know any better, would he?  But my conscience would!  I can't lie to him.  How can I expect him to support me when I'm lying to him.  So I don't.  I'll tell him that I don't feel good, which I didn't with serious back pain from a slipped disc, or I got too busy with working around the house or running errands or going on job interviews.  Then I got into a rut.  I wanted to write, but my mind was blank.  Frozen.  Stumped.  So I told him abou it and he found a solution for me.  As he always does.  He truly has my best interests at heart.

When I married him over two years ago it was for love, for his support, his friendship, great sex and companionship.  As time has passed that love has grown deeper and deeper as I discover more and more what a wonderful man I married.  He has given deep profound love a new meaning.  He has given new meaning to unconditional love. 

But maybe I shouldn't be sharing this information with you.  Maybe someone out there will get the crazy idea of stealing him away from me.  Nah!  We're so into each other, it's sickening.  It really is.

I got another text from him checking on me, and I told him that I'm writing, and I am.

4 months and counting...

Hard to believe, but it's been four months since I dragged my last cigarette.  But who's counting?  Me!  In the beginning it was easy.  The doctor scared the crap out of me by telling me that I had the lungs of a 78 year old woman!  Excuse me?  Yep!  That was it.  I was done with smoking.  No more.  I quit that day and haven't had a cigarette since.  Now don't get me wrong.  I have plenty of moments where I would kill to have a cigarette.  And still do.  In the beginning I had no cravings.  The words from the doctor resonated with me for a long time and quashed any cravings for nicotine.  At least for the first two months.  In the last two months I am experiencing more cravings.  The nicotine demon is trying his damnedest to beat me me down and seduce me into lighting up one of his own.  But I won't give in.  I've gone this long and feel better.  Breathing is much easier.  It amazes me how bad I was before I quit.  I knew I was having issues, but I didn't realize how bad they were until the doctor opened my eyes and I kicked the habit.  I suppose I'll have cravings in the years to come, but I have to think back and recall how bad I was before I quit, and how wonderful and freeing it is to breathe so easily, so deeply and so fully. 

My husband also quit smoking.  We're a team.  A true blue side by side supportive and loving team.  Sickening, huh?  But that's who we are.  He's had plenty of weak moments, but he too, has not given in to the nicotine demon.  That little bastard is not going to get the best of us!  We've come realize our weak moments and support each other during those moments, and sometimes we hope that the other person will give in and buy a pack of temptation. 

I suppose the what has made this successful for me is fear.  Plain and simple.  Fear.  The fear of not being able to breathe freely and on my own.  The fear of developing emphysema...lung cancer...and ultimately death.  An early death.  And I don't want to die too soon or because of something that I could've prevented.  My husband and I have a long bucket list and smoking would've gotten in the way of that and I can't stand for that to happen.  What I have with him is so wonderful that smoking can't get in the way!

Who's your hero?

Growing up as a child I was glued to the television every day after school watching the old reruns of "Batman".  Oh God!  Batman!  He was it!  And I guess I even had a crush on him.  But don't tell anyone.  Every episode he amazed me with his cunning smarts, patience and the way he talked.  Adam West was THE man!  And my hero!  I also watched the "League of Justice" on Saturday mornings, and again, Batman was my favorite.  So what is it about heroes that turns us on?  The super powers they have?  Or how they stand for justice and good?  Whatever the reason, we all have our heroes.

As an adult, I have a new hero.  My husband.  No matter how hard life beats him down, and it has done its share with him over the years, he still maintains his positive attitude and zest for life.  Whenever I'm down and feeling blue, he knows what to say and somehow turns my attitude around.  When his kids, who live with their mother, are misbehaving or having problems, he always says the right thing.  He feeds them words of encouragement and has this uncanny ability of offering an analogy that makes sense.  Beyond words he's the most helpful person I've ever known.  If someone is pulled off to the side of the road with obvious car problems, he'll stop and try to help them.  It makes me nervous, but he's fearless.  Sometimes I feel so honored to call him my husband.  No.  I feel honored all the time to call him my husband. 

Who's your hero?  Who makes you most proud?  Most happy?  Most honored to know?  But most importantly, what makes a hero for you?  Why are they your hero?  Do they make you want to change your ways, your attitude, your life?  That, to me, is a hero.

A New Start

For most quitting a job is unheard of, irresponsible and well, just plain crazy!  Well, I did it!  A week ago I quit my job, and quite frankly, I don't regret it.  It was a grueling and very stressful job.  And it was starting to take its toll on me.  I was turning into an emotional wreck!  It was like having PMS all the time!  I worked for a construction company and I was a project coordinator.  I was responsible for getting the bids for the jobs from the subcontractors.  Sounds easy, huh?  It wasn't.  The pressure was on, daily.  And this company was bidding on numerous projects at the same time.  I just couldn't hack the pressure anymore.  I guess you could say I cracked under pressure.  Finally, my husband told me to quit the job.  And he told me to start pursuing my writing career!  Aaaaaaack!  I was thrilled, and scared.  This is it.  It's time to get this thing going.  So where do I start?

Well, on the second day of my new life I twisted my back the wrong way.  Big ouch!  Turns out I pinched a nerve and slipped a disc.  Ugh!  After a couple of days of almost unbearable pain, my husband made an appointment for me with our chiropractor.  Crack!  Snap!  Pop!  Then I started to tell my chiropractor about how I'm trying to become published and he offered to help me.  Turns out his sister works for a local publication.  In fact, she's the editor for it.  He said he'll email her to introduce me and then I'm on my own.  OMG!  This is really happening!

Life has a funny way of turning things around.  Here I am out of work with crippling back pain and my chiropractor is the first ticket to possibly getting published.  What's up with that?

Lesson learned:  Open your mouth!  You never know who you're talking to and who they know!